


bonded

by illyrianbats



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: AU, Nessian - Freeform, mate reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 07:58:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17576939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illyrianbats/pseuds/illyrianbats





	1. Chapter 1

****Nesta just finished training with Cassian. It was harder each day to deny this invisible thread pulling her to him. With parted lips and short breaths, she slowly paced back and forth in her room until her forehead was against the cold wall.

Closing her eyes, her thoughts immediately went back to training with him or their banters. It always went back to him. The way his fingers combing through his dark hair as he pulled it back with a leather strap, the way the dark strands would fall and frame his face. Whenever they train, his massive wings would always flare out and his hazel eyes always bore into hers. The way his taut muscles moved, straining against her throws was always deep in her mind.

She shook her head to clear it of these thoughts as she pushed her feelings away once more. Removing the strap that held her braid together, she stared at herself into the mirror, telling herself once more that she felt absolutely nothing and this invisible thread was non-existent.

After her hour-long shower, she paced around her room until she decided that she needed to know what was between them. Nesta is done waiting.

Her nimble fingers traced the doorknob as her reluctance grew. This is ridiculous, she thought. It’s just a goddamn question. What could possibly go wrong?

Nesta’s head buzzed with all stupid, intrusive thoughts that made her head spin. Grasping the doorknob tightly, she quickly turned it and open the door to get this question out of her mind.

Cassian was pacing back and forth outside of Nesta’s room. His mouth hung open as he took in her shocked face. Nesta quickly composed herself and glared at his form.

“What are you doing here, you brute?” Nesta’s eyebrow was perfectly arched as Cassian picked up his jaw from the floor.

“We, uh, we need to talk, Nes,” he stuttered, his hazel eyes not meeting her glare.

With a sigh, she opened her door wider to let him in. She carefully sat down on her bed.

“Talk.” With a gulp, Cassian nodded in reply as his heart hammered. He opened his mouth but Nesta interrupted him before he could get a sound out.

“What’s this between us?” Nesta finally asked the question that she was dying to ask for so long. The question that she pushed so far back into her mind. The question she buried deep into her heart and ignored for so long.

“Nesta, that’s what we need to talk about. I have to tell you something.”

“Is this another one of the Cauldron’s parlor tricks? Is it because I covered you with my body when you nearly died?”

Cassian’s heart broke as tears welled up in her eyes. He wanted to shout that they were mates. That they were destined to be together.

“No, no, we have a bond, Nes.” It slipped through his tongue. He didn’t mean to say it that way.  _No, no, no, he couldn’t’ve._

Scoffing, Nesta rolled her eyes and replied, “Cauldron, stop spewing bullshit, Cass. A bond? How is that even possible? A bond would mean that we’re–”

Realisation dawned on her, eyes widening in shock. It can’t be. Her lips parted in shock once more as she composed herself with one deep breath.

“Nesta, we’re mates.” Tears streamed freely on Cassian’s cheeks, his eyebrows scrunched with concern.

“How long?” Nesta replied with a cold voice. She stayed awfully still, which worried Cassian even more. He’d rather take a thrashing, screaming Nesta over an unmoving, crying Nesta.

“What?”

“How long have you known, Commander?”

“Commander? Nes, you have to understand, I-”

“Nes? You, of all people, have no right to call me that! Now, exactly how long have you known?” Her voice rose as she stood up and slowly walked towards Cassian.  _How dare he keep this information from her?_

Cassian was very wrong. If he thought unmoving, teary Nesta was scarier than screaming, crying Nesta, then he was very, very wrong.

With a gulp, Cassian replied, “I’ve known since my wings healed back.”

“So for almost a year you’ve known? And what? You’ve never realised that  _I_ , Nesta  _fucking_  Archeron, needed to know as well?It never dawned on you that  _your mate_  needed to know?” Her loud voice could be heard all the way from the other courts. Cassian flinched as tears soaked her shirt and her fierce eyes turned red.

“I’m so sorry, Nesta. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Get out.”

“Nesta, no. You have to hear me ou–”

“I said, out.”

Defeated, Cassian walked out of her room. The door clicked softly as Nesta’s rage filled her.

Rushing to the sink, she splashes her face with cold water in an attempt to stop her cries of rage and sadness. Stop this, you weakling.

She decided that she needed to get away from Velaris, from this Court. Away from him. From his mate. Quickly, she patted her face dry and willed herself to stop crying. She bolted to the gardens to find Elain.

“Elain, I need you to take me away from Velaris,” she said hurriedly, before anyone might see her red eyes and trembling lips.

“Slow down, Nes. Are you okay? What happened?” Her sister’s eyes anxiously scanned her face.

“I’ll explain later. I need to go.”


	2. Chapter 2

After the intense conversation with Nesta, Cassian went straight to his room and washed himself once more, his mind wandering to his mate. He caged himself into his room the entire day, ignoring his friends’ knocks on the door. **  
**

That night, he didn’t get a wink of sleep. He tossed and turned in bed as he blamed himself and his stupidity for a millionth time. Thoughts on how he was gonna approach Nesta tomorrow morning clouded his mind. His heartbeat accelerated as he thought of his perfect mate. But he  _ruined_  it for them.

Rising from his bed, he peered into the mirror as he tried fixing his bed head and his ugly, dark circle under his eyes. His breathing hitched as he remembered that he will soon see Nesta. He plans to grovel at her feet and ask for her forgiveness. He quickly changed into his leathers and headed out to the balcony to fly to training.

When he arrived, he couldn’t spot his mate. Worried thoughts popped up in his head, his heart racing.

“Where’s the Emissary?” He asked in an authoritative voice to a soldier.

The poor soldier was shaking in fear before replying, “The Emissary is not here, Co–commander.”

Cassian nodded in reply and dismissed him. The soldier nodded and scurried in fear.

_Rhys! Do you know where Nesta is?_ , he asked out, anxious for a reply.

_I’m so sorry, Cass. She left yesterday. With Elain._

He dragged a hand down his face, tears nearly escaping.  _How was he supposed to grovel and ask for her forgiveness when she left?_  He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked at them with his eyes filled with tears and disappointment.

Azriel gave him a sad smile before hugging his brother.

* * *

“Cauldron, Nesta, what is going on?” Elain’s features scrunched up in worry and she held her shaking sister in her arms. Feyre is still nowhere to be found and is still attending her High Lady duties.

“I–Elain, Cassian is my mate.” Nesta willed herself to stop shaking. She thought it was ridiculous if she was still in shock after hours of the revelation. Nesta brought her fingertips to her tear-stained cheeks.

“What? When? How–What?” Elain was shocked, her eyes turning into saucers. She froze as she hung her mouth open.

“He knew for so long. He knew since his wings healed. He knew for a  _year_!” Nesta removed her sister’s arms around her, rage and sadness mixing in her. Her emotions were heightened and she couldn’t think straight. She stood up and paced around the living room in Elain’s townhouse.

“He kept it from  _me_ , Elain. He kept the mating bond from his  _mate_.” Nesta broke down once more. Elain formed her own tears as she found her sister broken hearted. She rushed to Nesta’s side as Nesta nearly crumples to the floor, her tears soaking Elain’s dress. Elain’s heart broke for her sister. Her sister that always had her guard up. The hot-headed, annoyed Nesta.

Nesta clutched onto Elain, hating herself as time flies away. She was being such a weakling. Fleeing Velaris and crying for hours.

* * *

Cassian was emotionless. Gone was the annoying, happy bat of the House of Wind. Instead, a stoic, Illyrian statue took his place. He threw himself into fighting, finding a physical release for his longing for Nesta and his anger at himself.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Longing practically pumped through Cassian’s veins at this point. He missed their witty banter and her insults. He missed smirking at her as she called him a hulking brute. He missed her braided hair and her menacing glare. He even missed when she kneed him where he crouched in pain for about an hour.

With every punch and kick he threw at Azriel, he tries to remove a tiny shred of anger and hatred from himself. He tries to dismiss the sadness that engulfed him for these past four months.

With a thud, Azriel is left as a heaving mess onto the mat. Normally, they could go on fighting for hours and they did. And they were both very exhausted but Cassian kept taunting him and pushing him and Az was done.

“Get up, Az. Another one.” Cassian said with an impassive voice, his fingers redoing his bun that securely held his long hair together.

“No, Cass. I-I can’t.”

“Oh, come on. You said you could go on for hours!” Cassian retorted back.

“I can and I  _did_. We having been here since dawn, Cass! It’s now noon, for god’s sake. We have been going at this for  _twelve hours_. This is been going on for the last three months. You have to stop, Cass, or else you’ll die,” Azriel replied in an exasperated tone. He was being patient with him but Az really felt like he was dying.

“It’s better to die than to see her disappointment and hatred for me, brother. But she’s never coming back, anyway. At least not after what I did.” Cassian’s impassive and cold facade cracked at tiny bit as a tear slipped down his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Cassian untucked his wings and headed to his townhouse faster than Azriel thought was possible. Cassian told himself that he needed to repair that tiny crack in his facade or else everything he’s been working on for the past four months of solitude and training.

But the mask cracked and so did his heart. His heart shattered into a million piece as he felt no presence down the bond. No tugging. So he sobbed.

Cassian sobbed until his eyes were rimmed with red. He sobbed until he could no longer cry. He sobbed until his throat went dry. With his energy drained, he stared at the damned ceiling for another hour or so, wishing the war took his life. He would rather have his wings shredded than feel another ounce of pain. His eyes fluttered close with him praying that someone would take his life.

Cassian woke up late. He woke up just in time for him to grab lunch. He flew to Rita’s and to grab a quick meal. His feet thudded rhythmically against the pavement. As he reached the store, he opened the doors with his hand and shock enveloped him.

That painfully, beautiful voice fluttered into his ears. His mouth agape in shock, a tear he thought he couldn’t physically produce, trickled down to his cheek. He thought he was hallucinating. Until he turned his head and his red-rimmed hazel eyes met her fierce stormy eyes.

She stopped talking. Words fell out of her mouth as she saw him, in all of his glory. In a quick glance, he still looked like the Lord of Bloodshed but in a closer look, she knew he was in pain. His wings drooped in sadness, eyes rimmed with red, a trail of wetness down his cheek and dark circles under his eyes. She swallowed her guilt and tore her eyes away from him, making sure to secure her mental shields. Making sure that no pain, anguish or guilt can be sensed.

* * *

She didn’t think she’d see him on her first day back in Velaris. Certainly, not looking this sad.

Cassian’s body was filled with pain once more. It filled with anger. He straightened his posture and walked out of Rita’s without a word.

Nesta fled from her seat, not even caring if she toppled over her drink. She ran after Cassian. She ran out of Rita’s and she all she saw was him turning around the corner. She ran towards the alley and saw him. She saw Cassian broken. And her heart broke a little more.

Cassian was banging his head against the wall, muttering how stupid he was and how she should’ve just cooked himself lunch. Tears flowed freely from his eyes and Nesta appeared infront of him.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. He didn’t bother acknowledging her with a turn of his head.

“I’m sorry, Nesta.” A tear escaped Nesta. It was painful to hear his voice so broken. And he didn’t call her  _sweetheart_.

Nesta’s fingers reached out reluctantly to his cheek, to stop him from hitting his head on the wall. He moved away from her touch at first, then pausing to relish the feel of her hand caress his cheek. She moved his head to face her and she gasped silently as she saw the red on his forehead, his skin nearly peeling off from the harsh texture of the wall.

In silence, they welcomed each other and hugged each other tightly. She kept muttering how sorry she was and he kept saying it back.


End file.
